Autodidact

noun 

a self-taught person

I’m six months into my self taught journey. I have no finished work to show for it, however I have learnt more in this last six months than I have ever done before in my life as an artist.

I have had however, some formal tuition through out my life. I studied A Level Art and I did a foundation diploma at Leeds College of art and design when I was eighteen. I have since completed various informal courses and a distance-learning course where I earned a certificate of Higher Education in Visual Communications. All of this has given me something and nothing at the same time. What I mean by this is I have gained a basic understanding of what is required of me to jump through academic hoops but I have no work I am proud of to call my own.

The lesson I learnt when I did my A Level was that I loved making images and I had a small growth of confidence in this area when my hard work brought me an A grade. I learnt at Art College was that art was not what I thought it was. I wasn’t very good at accepting critiques as I always challenged my tutors view. (On reflection I can clearly see I have a problem with authority – but I’m acknowledging this and I am able to admit that they were just doing their job and maybe my resistance did come over a little strong.)

I learnt a lot from doing a black and white photography evening course. I also did wood carving. These were good practical skills where I was allowed to do my own thing and I did really well to listen to the teachers considering my embarrassing inclination to challenge.

I completed a five-year stint at distance learning - I say stint because it felt like prison. It brought me as realization that I could produce work to meet someone else’s criterion and get a mark for it. I even got a shiny silver certificate to prove how good I’ve been at jumping through these hoops.

I have been keeping a journal of my learning, I have about five journals now and if I’m totally honest, they are the most negative things I have. All I have done in my journals is moan the hell out of everything I’ve been doing. I can do a lot naturally and that has brought me what I have now, that is, a wide general understanding of many genres of art and design. But why was I still starving?

I have never been taught how to draw or paint during all this time. I have learnt however, how to fulfill a brief. So I did a few weeks life drawing classes last year and one day I had an epiphany. I am proud to say that on Wednesday 18^th November 2015 I was painting this woman’s head and I just had the most exhilarating feeling rush over me. I felt excited and energized and confident and painting just spoke to me and said ‘Yes’. I came home and I said ‘I’m having wine’ and I celebrated. I finally know what language I can speak. Even though I acknowledge that I don’t know how to speak the language yet, I know it’s my language.

Six months on and I am growing in confidence, however I have a lot of ground to cover… I mean years of ground to cover… and I’m swearing a lot…but when I get it right I feel alive.

2 hour head study